It’s the end of the line for you sonny boy!
So you want to walk alongside your grandpa at the ANZAC Day parade. You’re proud of him and he’s proud you’re proud. He loves that you care, that you want to hold his hand. By God, he’d rather hold your hand than those cold metal bars on his walker.
Well... sorry Grandpa, sorry kid. The powers that be (in this case the NSW branch of the RSL) have decided that descendants can no longer walk with their beloved diggers. They’ve been banished to the back of the march.
You know, growing up all I ever heard from old fellas was what a bloody shame it is that the young people of today don’t care.
“They have no respect” was the catch cry in many an RSL and pub across Australia.
Well, a lot of young people these days do care. But the diggers feel they are being swamped by descendants marching with their unit groups.
There’s a part of me that can understand that. They are the ones who fought. They are the ones who saw the blood, the bullets, the dead friends, the unimaginable horror.
But does the inclusion of proud relatives really take away from the diggers?
Come on, we’re not stupid. We can distinguish the war veterans from the young relatives. It’s pretty bloody obvious that 10-year-old Johnny didn’t fight in WWII and that 20-year-old Susan wasn’t a nurse in Korea. But maybe they want to be reminded what it was like for those who did; for soon they will be the only ones left to keep the memories alive.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Dead Wood Disco Dannii
Would someone please tell me why the hell Dannii Minogue is all over Australian television? The woman can’t sing, she can’t dance, and she looks like a rough old broad who’s had too much plastic surgery. You know the type. The women who go under the knife way too young… although I believe eighty is too young to start injecting your face with a deadly poison whilst having your nose reshaped (and sadly coming out looking like a seasoned boxer).
If you tuned in late to TV’s It Takes Two the other night you could have be forgiven for mistaking Dannii for one of those contestants you vote for because you feel sorry for them… “Poor thing, they’re doing their best.”
As Dannii massacred “Xanadu” (and okay, I’ll admit it. I actually like the song) a large cast of dancers tried to distract us from her wooden moves (you’d swear her whole body had been Botoxed, it was that lifeless) while the back up singers out-sang Dannii in an attempt to hide her lack of voice.
Hell, even good ol’ John Mangos has more vocal talent and star quality than poor old Dannii. But damn it, she’s not poor old Dannii is she? This is a woman who has made a lucrative career from being average, average, average. Oh and it doesn’t hurt having that famous sister (God, don’t get me started on her face).
Oh, how heartbreaking it must be to have a shitload of talent (and pint-sized luck and connections) and turn on the TV only to see Dark-Haired Disco Barbie doing bad karaoke.
And to add insult to injury, she’s back judging other people’s talent on Australia’s Got Talent. The woman shouldn’t even be allowed on the stage as a contestant!
If you tuned in late to TV’s It Takes Two the other night you could have be forgiven for mistaking Dannii for one of those contestants you vote for because you feel sorry for them… “Poor thing, they’re doing their best.”
As Dannii massacred “Xanadu” (and okay, I’ll admit it. I actually like the song) a large cast of dancers tried to distract us from her wooden moves (you’d swear her whole body had been Botoxed, it was that lifeless) while the back up singers out-sang Dannii in an attempt to hide her lack of voice.
Hell, even good ol’ John Mangos has more vocal talent and star quality than poor old Dannii. But damn it, she’s not poor old Dannii is she? This is a woman who has made a lucrative career from being average, average, average. Oh and it doesn’t hurt having that famous sister (God, don’t get me started on her face).
Oh, how heartbreaking it must be to have a shitload of talent (and pint-sized luck and connections) and turn on the TV only to see Dark-Haired Disco Barbie doing bad karaoke.
And to add insult to injury, she’s back judging other people’s talent on Australia’s Got Talent. The woman shouldn’t even be allowed on the stage as a contestant!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Yes Miss Jane...
“Wow! Doesn’t she look amazing for her age,” a friend of mine gushed as Jane Fonda came onto the TV screen advertising the wonders of a new face cream.
Oh, how I wanted to slap my friend around the head and say, “Yeah, you’d look years younger if you paid a plastic surgeon copious amounts of money to cut and stretch your cheeks until they meet at the back of your head!” Gives a whole new meaning to the term “cheek to cheek”.
I mean, come on! Am I the only one tired of the farce? The botoxed, pumped, plumped, nipped, tucked, stretched celebrities touting the latest dream cream that is guaranteed to make you look as flawless and wrinkle-free as they are? Am I the only person who wants to yell at the TV when interviewers ask tight-skinned, stunned-looking actresses (with eyebrows so high they look like Ronald McDonald) their beauty secrets, when it’s obvious the answer of “a healthy diet, lots of water, and a good night’s sleep” is a load of rubbish?!
Just once I would love to see a TV journalist say, “So Demi/Sharon/Jane, I simply adore the way your face doesn’t move when you speak. How many botox injections does that require? I just hate it when my cheeks move when I smile.”
In the new L’Oreal promotion for their Age Re-Perfect range for the over 60s, Jane Fonda gabbed on (sans facial movements) saying “it’s not so much physical beauty that creates beauty as much as what’s coming from inside.”
Looking at the taut-faced 69-year-old Fonda I take this to mean that those plastic surgeons really get “inside” the skin with their scalpels and tongs.
Jane also says that self-esteem is the best recipe for beauty.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I see a woman like Jane, with a lot of plastic surgery, I tend not to say, “Oh now there’s a woman with a healthy self-esteem”. I’m more likely to announce, “Now there’s a woman with a fair dose of self-loathing”.
Don’t get me wrong. I have loved Jane Fonda since I was 13 when I used lay on the floor, lift up my butt cheeks, squeeze and “feel the burn” to the sound of her voice on her aerobics record album. And I loved her later when she admitted that she’s had body issues, beauty issues, daddy issues, and relationship issues. So I wasn’t all that surprised the first time she appeared in public with a new set of boobs and later, a new face.
But give me a break Jane! To start talking about natural beauty and inner beauty is insulting to our intelligence. And for us to buy into it is even worse.
But buy it we do…
Australian beauty and fashion journalists, who were recently treated to a L’Oreal luncheon where a Jane Fonda promo video was shown, have called Jane “a true beauty” “so much more than a moving canvas”. One journalist even said, “There is a warmth that shines through the lines on her face.” Lines? What lines?
And the one description that really gave me a chuckle “... a sincerity belying the millions of pixels creating her image”. Sincerity? How sincere is it to have a face that has so obviously been pulled, tucked, lifted, and injected but say you’ve only had a boob job and some fat removed from under the eyes? That folks, is what we call “celebrity sincerity” – a different form of sincerity altogether.
And in all “sincerity,” the woman who has campaigned for tighter abs and against the Vietnam War is now on a crusade to stop women from getting plastic surgery. Either the Botox has gone to her brain or she has run out of things to campaign about because essentially, she is now campaigning against herself…
“In Hollywood everybody is starting to look alike. I said no, I’m not going to do it.” - Too late Jane. You already have. - “… somebody’s got to give a face to getting old.” - And you, Facelift Fonda, think you’re the person to do that?!
Fonda says she wants to show young girls that they can “grow old and still live and have sex, and be erotic, and have fun – and have wrinkles”. Ha! Most young girls wouldn’t know, or care, who the hell Jane Fonda is. They would just look at her and say “who’s the old lady with the freaky looking face?”
Now, until recently I thought Aussies were above all of this nipping and tucking and pulling and pushing. We were once a nation of people that mocked the Americans for their obsession with image. Well guess what? It is now official. Australians get more plastic surgery per capita than Americans!
What’s going on? Why are Aussie women (because it is mostly women who go under the knife) doing this to themselves?
Unfortunately, women judge themselves against these celebrities thinking why can’t I look 40 at 50? Why can’t I look younger each year like Demi Moore? How can I keep up?
They think surgery is the answer.
But it doesn’t always work that way. More often than not it makes the woman look like a freak, or at the very least… older, in a strange sort of way.
Look at Kylie and Danni Minogue - two women under 40 who look like much older women with good plastic surgery. Two beautiful women who should have been happy with what God gave them. But unfortunately, even the most beautiful women go under the knife because they think they’re not good enough, not thin enough, not young enough, not buxom enough, not pretty enough. When will we say enough is enough?!
Not any time soon I’m afraid.
Sadly, it seems our “true blue” is becoming about as true as Jane Fonda’s “true beauty”.
Oh, how I wanted to slap my friend around the head and say, “Yeah, you’d look years younger if you paid a plastic surgeon copious amounts of money to cut and stretch your cheeks until they meet at the back of your head!” Gives a whole new meaning to the term “cheek to cheek”.
I mean, come on! Am I the only one tired of the farce? The botoxed, pumped, plumped, nipped, tucked, stretched celebrities touting the latest dream cream that is guaranteed to make you look as flawless and wrinkle-free as they are? Am I the only person who wants to yell at the TV when interviewers ask tight-skinned, stunned-looking actresses (with eyebrows so high they look like Ronald McDonald) their beauty secrets, when it’s obvious the answer of “a healthy diet, lots of water, and a good night’s sleep” is a load of rubbish?!
Just once I would love to see a TV journalist say, “So Demi/Sharon/Jane, I simply adore the way your face doesn’t move when you speak. How many botox injections does that require? I just hate it when my cheeks move when I smile.”
In the new L’Oreal promotion for their Age Re-Perfect range for the over 60s, Jane Fonda gabbed on (sans facial movements) saying “it’s not so much physical beauty that creates beauty as much as what’s coming from inside.”
Looking at the taut-faced 69-year-old Fonda I take this to mean that those plastic surgeons really get “inside” the skin with their scalpels and tongs.
Jane also says that self-esteem is the best recipe for beauty.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I see a woman like Jane, with a lot of plastic surgery, I tend not to say, “Oh now there’s a woman with a healthy self-esteem”. I’m more likely to announce, “Now there’s a woman with a fair dose of self-loathing”.
Don’t get me wrong. I have loved Jane Fonda since I was 13 when I used lay on the floor, lift up my butt cheeks, squeeze and “feel the burn” to the sound of her voice on her aerobics record album. And I loved her later when she admitted that she’s had body issues, beauty issues, daddy issues, and relationship issues. So I wasn’t all that surprised the first time she appeared in public with a new set of boobs and later, a new face.
But give me a break Jane! To start talking about natural beauty and inner beauty is insulting to our intelligence. And for us to buy into it is even worse.
But buy it we do…
Australian beauty and fashion journalists, who were recently treated to a L’Oreal luncheon where a Jane Fonda promo video was shown, have called Jane “a true beauty” “so much more than a moving canvas”. One journalist even said, “There is a warmth that shines through the lines on her face.” Lines? What lines?
And the one description that really gave me a chuckle “... a sincerity belying the millions of pixels creating her image”. Sincerity? How sincere is it to have a face that has so obviously been pulled, tucked, lifted, and injected but say you’ve only had a boob job and some fat removed from under the eyes? That folks, is what we call “celebrity sincerity” – a different form of sincerity altogether.
And in all “sincerity,” the woman who has campaigned for tighter abs and against the Vietnam War is now on a crusade to stop women from getting plastic surgery. Either the Botox has gone to her brain or she has run out of things to campaign about because essentially, she is now campaigning against herself…
“In Hollywood everybody is starting to look alike. I said no, I’m not going to do it.” - Too late Jane. You already have. - “… somebody’s got to give a face to getting old.” - And you, Facelift Fonda, think you’re the person to do that?!
Fonda says she wants to show young girls that they can “grow old and still live and have sex, and be erotic, and have fun – and have wrinkles”. Ha! Most young girls wouldn’t know, or care, who the hell Jane Fonda is. They would just look at her and say “who’s the old lady with the freaky looking face?”
Now, until recently I thought Aussies were above all of this nipping and tucking and pulling and pushing. We were once a nation of people that mocked the Americans for their obsession with image. Well guess what? It is now official. Australians get more plastic surgery per capita than Americans!
What’s going on? Why are Aussie women (because it is mostly women who go under the knife) doing this to themselves?
Unfortunately, women judge themselves against these celebrities thinking why can’t I look 40 at 50? Why can’t I look younger each year like Demi Moore? How can I keep up?
They think surgery is the answer.
But it doesn’t always work that way. More often than not it makes the woman look like a freak, or at the very least… older, in a strange sort of way.
Look at Kylie and Danni Minogue - two women under 40 who look like much older women with good plastic surgery. Two beautiful women who should have been happy with what God gave them. But unfortunately, even the most beautiful women go under the knife because they think they’re not good enough, not thin enough, not young enough, not buxom enough, not pretty enough. When will we say enough is enough?!
Not any time soon I’m afraid.
Sadly, it seems our “true blue” is becoming about as true as Jane Fonda’s “true beauty”.
* Written March 25, 2008
Who's a Silly Boy Then?
Having spent years overseas I’ve lived without one of my favourite TV programs – Andrew Denton’s Enough Rope. I missed interviews with Tim Winton, Jane Goodall, Phillip Noyce and many other interesting, creative, intelligent guests.
So imagine my excitement when it was announced that Denton was hosting a very special surprise guest for his first show of 2008. I entertained thoughts of intelligent discussions with an activist, a writer, a humanitarian, or a talented performer. And then I saw the ad on ABC TV. Andrew Denton’s first guest is to be none other than Wayne Carey! That’s right… my beloved thinking woman’s crumpet is going to waste his time, and ours, interviewing a woman bashing moron.
Welcome to the It’s Not My Fault, It’s The Drugs spin doctoring extravaganza brought to you by New Idea, the ABC and anyone else who wants to get in on the act.
By now, you must know how it goes…
A celebrity behaves abominably, usually unlawfully, they’re caught with their hands in the proverbial till (or in their girlfriend’s face) and you just know what’s coming next. Yes, that’s right. The It’s the Booze Not the Bastard. The Drugs Not the Dickhead defense.
When Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism was exposed after he yelled at a Los Angeles deputy sheriff saying, “F---ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” I wondered how long it would take before the Rehab announcement. The "Mel’s a really good bloke with a drinking problem, not a Jew-hating creep with a racism problem" publicity spin. It took less than 72 hours.
Now I don’t know about you, but my core values and beliefs don’t change dramatically after copious amounts of alcohol. I don’t suddenly become a bigoted cretin or feel compelled to smash a glass in my partner’s face, and I know he feels the same. Don’t you think, just maybe, that the tendency has to reside within you in the first place?
Don’t get me wrong. I am aware that addiction is a serious issue. But when nasty celebrities use it to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public, to make excuses for horrendous behaviour, well that’s just sickening.
And to make matters worse, these celebrities often make money from their crimes! That’s right folks, Wayne Carey has just been paid for his own spin-doctoring!
New Idea, a magazine that began a campaign in November to raise awareness of domestic violence, forked out $180,000 to girlfriend-bashing Carey for his story. So go for it all you angry famous fellas out there. Bash your girlfriend, justify it, use the oldest excuse in the celebrity book, and we’ll pay you for it.
And what exactly did New Idea pay for? Basically, they have paid a violent man for his violence. They have paid Carey for his own good publicity. Shouldn’t he be paying them?
In his New Idea “confession” Carey says about himself and girlfriend Kate Neilson, “We realized, when we do drugs, we’re as silly as one another.”
Gee that’s the first time I’ve heard smashing a glass in your girlfriend’s face described as simply “silly”. And what “silly” things does Kate get up to, I wonder? “Oops! Silly me. I didn’t mean to stick my stiletto heel in your beady little eye, Wayne.”
I don’t think so. Why?
Because this is a woman who decided she’d be safer running around with lions and leopards than staying in a car with her beloved whilst on a holiday in South Africa. Because it’s a well-known fact that victims of domestic violence think they deserve it. Their self-esteems have sunk so low that they believe it’s their fault – “He didn’t mean it. I pushed him too far”. Because this is a woman who should be seen as one of the very victim’s New Idea was claiming to support in November.
Okay, so I’ve never really held New Idea up to high standards, but Andrew Denton? I’m disgusted that he would give this horrible human being the time of day; the forum to make excuses for his actions.
“… whatever has happened in this man’s life, he’s not the devil, and it’s interesting to talk to somebody and try to take them through how they got to where they are today,” Denton said in The Sun-Herald.
That’s right Oprah, I mean Andrew. Bring on the heartfelt tearful confession. Hold Carey’s hand as he talks about the personal pain (sob, sob) that causes him to lash out. The bullshit “she leaned into that wine glass” tale.
Denton continued… “What I’m interested in finding out is the truth of what’s happened, but perhaps even more interestingly, asking, “How did you get to this point?”
Now, I know Denton is a first-rate interviewer, but does he really believe Carey will be there to tell the truth? This is an exercise in “spin” remember. And I don’t mean the kind you do on a stationary bike.
Unfortunately Andrew, sometimes an a-hole is just an a-hole. But in this age of confessional TV and magazine interviews we search for the “let’s all get together and have a big hug” answer. We want to be able to say there is good in all of us. But let’s face facts.
Wayne Carey is an evil-doing, ignorant, arrogant, violent, moronic, misogynistic bastard. Oops! How un-Australian. Did I just trash one of our former sporting heroes? Silly me. It’s not really me talking. I’m not responsible. It’s that nasty glass of wine I just had.
* written March 23, 2008
So imagine my excitement when it was announced that Denton was hosting a very special surprise guest for his first show of 2008. I entertained thoughts of intelligent discussions with an activist, a writer, a humanitarian, or a talented performer. And then I saw the ad on ABC TV. Andrew Denton’s first guest is to be none other than Wayne Carey! That’s right… my beloved thinking woman’s crumpet is going to waste his time, and ours, interviewing a woman bashing moron.
Welcome to the It’s Not My Fault, It’s The Drugs spin doctoring extravaganza brought to you by New Idea, the ABC and anyone else who wants to get in on the act.
By now, you must know how it goes…
A celebrity behaves abominably, usually unlawfully, they’re caught with their hands in the proverbial till (or in their girlfriend’s face) and you just know what’s coming next. Yes, that’s right. The It’s the Booze Not the Bastard. The Drugs Not the Dickhead defense.
When Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism was exposed after he yelled at a Los Angeles deputy sheriff saying, “F---ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” I wondered how long it would take before the Rehab announcement. The "Mel’s a really good bloke with a drinking problem, not a Jew-hating creep with a racism problem" publicity spin. It took less than 72 hours.
Now I don’t know about you, but my core values and beliefs don’t change dramatically after copious amounts of alcohol. I don’t suddenly become a bigoted cretin or feel compelled to smash a glass in my partner’s face, and I know he feels the same. Don’t you think, just maybe, that the tendency has to reside within you in the first place?
Don’t get me wrong. I am aware that addiction is a serious issue. But when nasty celebrities use it to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public, to make excuses for horrendous behaviour, well that’s just sickening.
And to make matters worse, these celebrities often make money from their crimes! That’s right folks, Wayne Carey has just been paid for his own spin-doctoring!
New Idea, a magazine that began a campaign in November to raise awareness of domestic violence, forked out $180,000 to girlfriend-bashing Carey for his story. So go for it all you angry famous fellas out there. Bash your girlfriend, justify it, use the oldest excuse in the celebrity book, and we’ll pay you for it.
And what exactly did New Idea pay for? Basically, they have paid a violent man for his violence. They have paid Carey for his own good publicity. Shouldn’t he be paying them?
In his New Idea “confession” Carey says about himself and girlfriend Kate Neilson, “We realized, when we do drugs, we’re as silly as one another.”
Gee that’s the first time I’ve heard smashing a glass in your girlfriend’s face described as simply “silly”. And what “silly” things does Kate get up to, I wonder? “Oops! Silly me. I didn’t mean to stick my stiletto heel in your beady little eye, Wayne.”
I don’t think so. Why?
Because this is a woman who decided she’d be safer running around with lions and leopards than staying in a car with her beloved whilst on a holiday in South Africa. Because it’s a well-known fact that victims of domestic violence think they deserve it. Their self-esteems have sunk so low that they believe it’s their fault – “He didn’t mean it. I pushed him too far”. Because this is a woman who should be seen as one of the very victim’s New Idea was claiming to support in November.
Okay, so I’ve never really held New Idea up to high standards, but Andrew Denton? I’m disgusted that he would give this horrible human being the time of day; the forum to make excuses for his actions.
“… whatever has happened in this man’s life, he’s not the devil, and it’s interesting to talk to somebody and try to take them through how they got to where they are today,” Denton said in The Sun-Herald.
That’s right Oprah, I mean Andrew. Bring on the heartfelt tearful confession. Hold Carey’s hand as he talks about the personal pain (sob, sob) that causes him to lash out. The bullshit “she leaned into that wine glass” tale.
Denton continued… “What I’m interested in finding out is the truth of what’s happened, but perhaps even more interestingly, asking, “How did you get to this point?”
Now, I know Denton is a first-rate interviewer, but does he really believe Carey will be there to tell the truth? This is an exercise in “spin” remember. And I don’t mean the kind you do on a stationary bike.
Unfortunately Andrew, sometimes an a-hole is just an a-hole. But in this age of confessional TV and magazine interviews we search for the “let’s all get together and have a big hug” answer. We want to be able to say there is good in all of us. But let’s face facts.
Wayne Carey is an evil-doing, ignorant, arrogant, violent, moronic, misogynistic bastard. Oops! How un-Australian. Did I just trash one of our former sporting heroes? Silly me. It’s not really me talking. I’m not responsible. It’s that nasty glass of wine I just had.
* written March 23, 2008
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